Last week saw me squired away with 60-odd sex geeks in the mountainous wilds of West Virginia, and while I knew I was going to get great advice for my Sexuality Coaching Practice, I didn’t realize I’d also be getting a reminder in why D/s matters so much in my life.
As camp drew to a close and we shared how we decompress back into the mundane world talk turned to partners and connection which turned quickly to sex. Connection via physical intimacy.
What luck thought I, I’m on my way to my Lord and Love. We shall have All The Sex. Forgetting completely that “The Sex” is no where near as comforting or as connecting as The D/s is. Cue a round of underwhelming sex that ended in tears (with little voices in my head yelling noooo – this is how you connect, stop it I mean don’t stop it – fuck harder damn it!) all of which could have been avoided if we’d stuck to our connecting ritual of foot worship, leg cuddling and head petting. The care and feeding of this pet is actually pretty simple: don’t let her over complicate things, provide more head pets.
Time and time again life brings me back to the knowledge that power based relationships work best for me. And that power isn’t based in humiliation, punishment, or even in 1000 orgasms. It’s built in the simple ask that I be open and vulnerable with my partner, and that I trust them when they say they choose me, and we got this.
I think I forget so often that this is how power exchange looks in my world because it flows so easily. Protect me an I will adore you. Accept me and I will bend to your will. Help me flourish an I will devote my being to you. No contracts, little protocol…. but yes ritual.
Ritual that needs to be respected and adhered to, because it’s because the physical manifestation of our power exchange. When we let that slide in the hustle and bustle of life, faulty GPS directions and tiredness, we do a disservice to ourselves and our relationship because we’re dampening our connection. I don’t want to do that.
One more place to practice mindfulness.