Before I made the switch over to Sexuality Empowerment Coach and after I was just this girl, who does this stuff I went through a lot of title labels trying to find one that fit.
Truthfully, I never wanted one, but I kept speaking to people who wanted to know my title for captioning and credits – and then there was the manner of calling cards because this is the 21st century, if it doesn’t have a snappy tag line; what good is it?
During the Fall of 2012 I started using the title Sexuality Educator and Agitator. I know some people thought it was a bit of an odd combo; but I thought it was a good fit for what, and really how I do. I talk about sex; and I stir shit up.
I know agitator doesn’t always give the most positive or polite image to people – but you know what? I’m okay with that.
The culture of silence, minding our own business and assuming if it were really a problem we would somehow know is hurting us, and by not agitating for change, we wind up perpetuating circumstances in which these problems can fester.
I understand that you don’t like to be a part of hearsay. I know you never wanted to rock the boat, and that you were raised to be polite. But this politeness? It means people are hurting in silence and damage is being done. Both to individuals and to our community as a whole.
I get that sometime we have trouble understand what we’re really looking at when it comes to kink; especially if we’re new to kink, or we’re in a space where the standard social rules may not apply.
So start asking questions. Get some clarity about what it is you’re seeing.
We teach children to go find an adult when something happens that they’re unsure of; and we need to teach doing the same thing in the BDSM community too. Unsure of what you’ve seen? Something seem off, or a little stranger than usual? Go ask an adult – and by adult that I mean someone who has been around longer than you – heck ask two or three of those people.
And stop being so afraid to talk when people ask you questions, because here is another truth: people will make up their own minds. Really, they will. Figures of any sort will always have their advocates and detractors and those of us in the middle will have to use what we can glean to make our opinions.
Now if we want our opinions to be good, we need to collect data, look for patterns and form conclusions. Did one misstep happen? Did two? Four? Twenty? How serve a misstep was it? How did the person respond to getting called out? Was this a problem, a misunderstanding, or something you need to keep an eye on and observe further?
And if you form the wrong opinion about someone? Change it. It really is that simple. People change; they do things that will move your opinion of them forward and backward, and so it should be. If someone started behaving really poorly, would you ignore it because she used to be cool? If someone started behaving awesomely, would you dismiss it because 4 years ago he did some uncool stuff?
You have a mind. Use it.
You have a voice. Use it.
Yes it’s nosy. Yes it has potential to rock the boat. Yes it means some feathers might get ruffled – but how is what we’ve been doing so far working out?
Not so great.
It’s time to try something new.
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