I sent a lust-note to a special soul today. I got permission first and promised not to be wildly insulting. See, I keep picturing him bound in chains. Sometimes for me and my pleasure; sometimes to me, like a pet. I told him when I think of him it’s attached to feelings of power, and control and some deliciously primal lust. I sought permission for two reasons.
First: not everyone wants to hear about my fantasies of them and if it’s unwanted, it’s creepy.
Second: I was worried that he might be really offended by my description of him in chains.
Here’s the actual deal: Whenever I’m in control in our interactions it’s because he isn’t. He’s got size, strength and will on me. In spades. But there is something about a powerful being giving me control that swells my spirit…. and other places too.
After sending my note I started thinking – why should the idea of being in chains be insulting? Why would submission be paired with degradation of power? When I submit I don’t lose my power. Sometimes I hold it still inside me, sometimes I use it to push further and deeper into my play. Sometimes I let it cycle through my partner and back to me in an endless loop of regeneration and growth so that we each walk away more powerful than we started.
But my power is not degraded. I am not powerless because I submit. I am powerful and I chose, to submit.
So why on earth would I assume he’ll be insulted by being placed in a submissive place?
When I first took up with my former Sir, he had me write an essay on what submission meant to me; then we went through it together. Some of my ideas he agreed with me on; some of my negative notions he called me on – like the idea of submission equaling weakness or helplessness. Now that’s not to say those qualities can’t be present in some expressions of submission; but it was important that I recognized the assumptions I was bringing to the table so I could get control over the domism that had crept into my mind.
Do I think it’s insulting to be a submissive? Then why am I worrying he might think it is? If he does, all it gives me is an opportunity to set him straight. Thunder on a leash is still thunder.
Weed out the bad shit; bring in the good shit.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Time to go reread those e-mails self.