You need an opposite. That’s how these things work… right?
Submissives match with Dominants.
Masochists match with Sadists.
But Sadists? They’re really freaking scary. How much do you trust the person who is unlocking the darkest parts of themselves to play with you? How much can they trust themselves?
Is it odd that, even while I’ve accepted who I am, and how many facets there are to my sexuality, I’m still uncomfortable with them? The kind of uncomfortable I feel around unfamiliar animals – not an outright, constant unease, but you never really know how an unfamiliar animal will react. I wonder if skydivers ever feel fully comfortable – if their trust in their chute is so strong that they can jump without that moment of panic, that moment of what if.
Because you can’t plan for the what if. You can practice R.A.C.K*, you can follow P.R.I.C.K**. You can accept that accidents happen. But we all talk about physical accidents. Where is the discussion about the emotional accidents? The broken souls and twisted psyches, sprained spirits…. We lose amazing people this way. Assigning fault doesn’t heal hurt, it merely transfers guilt.
You say what we do is all about trust – I say what we do is all about faith.
Maybe masochists match better with service tops; and sadists with submissives?
Or maybe i’m just still playing in shallow waters?
I know I’m playing the comparison game right now – but not with an eye for competition or worth, I just want to figure out how to better find my match. Better find people who easily compliment my play style and level of intensity. Better protect myself from falling of the edge of a cliff. Make no mistake; violence, taboo, shame – these things call to me, but I do love myself. I’m not some poor lost soul desperately trying to find meaning by letting someone destroy me. I’m a soul who got bent this way and figuring out do this life in the best*** way possible.
Thinky Thinky Think….
*Risk Aware Consenual Kink
**Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink
***Best meaning resulting in people feeling happy, respected/cared for as humans, with as little physical, emotional, and mental injury as possible.