So you want to be a Kink Advocate?

It’s easier than you think.

Big news in these parts lately is the RCMP officer who has come under fire as his personal sex life was leaked to the public.  I’ll keep my thoughts on that short and sweet:  Bullshit.  Your sex life, just like your religious beliefs, sexual orientation, or gender identity  does not necessarily impact your ability to do your job.  The media should be held accountable for the way they are treating this man and his partner.  The RCMP has enough real problems to deal with in its ranks.  Let’s focus on the sexual harassment and thief – not people’s consensual sexual escapades shall we?  Small victories; currently (July 7, 2012) he is not being asked to resign.

The ridiculousness with the RCMP officer has left a number of people around me wanting to get involved, to stand in solidarity, to advocate for kinksters – to do something – but they aren’t sure what.  So here’s my number one tip for being a shining example of a pervert to the world at large:

Be cool.

That’s it.  I think that’s the quickest, easiest thing you can do to give kink a more positive backing in the world.

Just be cool.

Treat your kinks, your fetishes, and your sexual practices like any other part of your life – because that’s all that they are.  You are not your job, you are not the car you drive, or  the children you may have.  You are not your sex life.  You are a person with multiple interesting aspects to your rounded personality.

Be a stunning example of normalicy.

No, not average, you don’t need to look like everyone else, talk like everyone else or think like everyone else.  And I don’t mean hetronormative – the world does not need anymore of that.  I mean accept yourself as another normal type of sexual expression.

Just get so comfortable with your kinks that you can say, I like getting canned on my feet; its called Bastinado as easily as you can say I like the colour blue because it reminds me of the ocean.  Get so comfortable with your swinging self that should anyone as you about it, you can answer their questions without guilt, or shame, or without acting like you’ve got some smugly superior sex life.  Maybe you do, maybe you don’t  – it’s been my experience that couple’s with the most satisfying sex lives are all star communicators, not porn stars, not kinksters – quality does not replace quantity and type.

And when you’re that comfortable simply stop hiding.  I don’t necessarily mean come out in a big way.  But stand up for someone else when they’re being shamed for their sexuality by sharing yours.  Challenge someone’s thinking around kink by adding a known human face.  If anyone asks about your collar; answer them.  If anyone gets in your business about the style of sex you like to have, feel free to ask them questions about their sex life right back – treat vanilla and kinky sex as equals.

And I get it – I do get it.  It’s really fun to be a freak and it’s super hot to muck around in your shame, your guilt, and all your taboo thoughts when making with the sexy times.  But if you want to the highest odds in changing what people think of kinksters and gain acceptance in the mainstream, you do that showing people you’re just like them.  That you can be into S&M  without desiring to abuse anyone.  That you can swing without trying to fuck their spouse.  That you can enjoy humiliation and degradation in some circumstances and still be a highly functioning part of society.

So that’s it.  Be cool  Be shameless.   Make your kinks just one part of your awesome self and keep living your life like it ain’t no thang.  Cuz it ant.

And if you really want to go the extra mile; start by checking out the Activist Resources from the NCSF.

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