In short? Do more of it.
I’ve been talking a bit with people about flirting recently – which means I’ve been thinking a lot about it. What makes a good flirt? What makes a successful flirt? What makes flirting well received?
Truth is, I don’t know the answer to most of those questions. I’m a flirt-for-the-fun-of-it kinda gal. I smile a strangers a lot; I chat up my local food servers – smile pretty at anything that comes attached to a cute dog or cute baby. But these are low stakes flirts. I’m not trying to get that stranger to ask me out. I don’t plan on bedding my local shwarma guy (though I love the occasional free lunches!) and all I want from that baby is a smile or a chance to rub that puppy’s ear – I could care less about the person attached.
When it comes to my dates, my play partners, and especially my lovers I’m not much of a flirter. I joked earlier on twitter tonight that I’m really more of a targeted marketing kinda gal. I’m going to find out what turns you on and do my best to serve it to you on a platter. Yes Sir, there is the reason you think we met while I was wearing a Daddy’s Little Slut T-shrt; only it wasn’t the first time we’d met, and I knew you were going to be at that party. And forget games, it’s all about being blunt. Not being a dick, or demanding that someone date/beat/fuck me. Just letting them know that I’m interested in those things with them. And then I leave it. The difference between blunt and creepy is knowing that anything that isn’t a clear yes in reply should be dropped. They’re always welcome to bring it back up with me; but flattering interest quickly becomes skeezey (in a bad way) if you try to push anything.
Luckily for you though… I know people who are good flirters and put things on YouTube!
First up with Dr. Ruthie – who I totes admire for her ability to be super inclusive when talking without talking forever to get a sentence out.
Notice what flirting is and what flirting isn’t? It’s about communicating attraction and interest in hopes of mutual connection. It’s not about tricking someone into giving you what you want or using someone as a means to an end.
Next up: Reid Mihalko on flirting as playing: My favourite part – why you shouldn’t flirt (or play Frisbee in this case) with people who took terrified when you throw a pass your way.
You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t given you actual tips for flirting… Because I think that’s something you need to think about; how do you express interest in things? Think about how people have reacted to you when you’ve been expressing interest. Are they looking at you like you’re about to throw a Frisbee in their face, or do they match your level of interest and engagement? Once you’ve spent some time thinking about that you can move onto How to Flirt, Part 2 with Dr. Ruthie which covers how you can use body language to keep the game of flirting up, or spot when it’s time to back off.
In the end the only answer I know is to the question is what makes flirting well received? That happens when your partner-in-flirt is feeling positive about your interest in them. It’s half balancing act, half being an attractive person, and there’s probably some luck thrown in there as well.
So pick the style you want; try on a few approaches and see which sits most comfortable with you. Confidence is still the most sexy thing you can wear.