You gotta love livin’ baby, ’cause dyin’ is a pain in the ass. – Frank Sinatra
Being single (and that from that what you will) person in the BDSM/Kink scene it can get a bit disheartening – especially in a scene that seems highly couple focused. No one owes us play, so sometimes we go without. No one owes us companionship so sometimes we go without. Ultimately depend on ourselves, and sometimes that well looks pretty dry. Now, the flip to that is that we don’t owe anyone anything either, which can be extremely liberating at times…but that’s not what this post is about.
Sometimes, looking for play partners, lovers, or even relationships flat out sucks. Finding someone in this crazy world to connect with is hard enough on a level playing field, and once you throw in the D/s, S/M and specialized kinks? Well… it’s a lot of bumps. Not to mention sorting through the wankers, the cheaters, and the people who simply cannot be honest with themselves about what they can and can’t offer.
So how do you keep the faith when it feels like you’ve tried everything? When you’ve done the dating, you’ve tried different styles of relationships, you’ve honest-to-fucking-chirst put yourself out there and you’re still not getting what you want?
Pick yourself up. Put on your favourite tunes, break out the clothing you feel sexiest in, indulge with a glass of fantastic wine, rant to a close friend – hell, throw a private tantrum! Find whatever it is that refreshes your spirit. What’s doing it for me tonight? Modest Mouse.
Dust yourself off. Examine what you’re doing. Are you being honest with what you want? Are you being as forthwright as possible what you want? Are you repeating the same patterns and expecting new results – cuz I’m pretty sure someone once called that insanity.
Get back in the race. Try a new munch, try a new website (okcupid has a whack of kinky, poly, geeky users – and fun quizes!), tell your friends what you’re looking for. And try again. And again, and again, and again.
Sorry, there’s no easy answer. But really, what’s the other option?