Tonight I attended Perspectives on Power‘s(PoP) first discussion group. If you haven’t heard about it yet, PoP has been created by the fantastic Darren Infinity with much assistance from his beautiful girl keri. PoP also brought us Laura Antoniou’s fantastic service workshop during the summer, and Darren’s in the process of lining up some more awesome speakers/workshops for the upcoming months. If you’re in the GTA and have been missing the relationship/power dynamic aspects behind all the awesome pervy stuff we do, I’d highly recommend checking this group out.
Tonight’s discussion theme was communication, and while a great number of tangents were covered I felt one very important point was missing:
What is communication?
When we talk about communication and how important it is, or tell someone they need to communicate their needs – what exactly are we asking them, or ourselves, to do?
I pondered this in the back of my head during the night, in the parking lot after with some fellow kinksters, and am still pondering it now. Here’s what I got:
How do I define communication?
Communication is the act of honestly explaining something to another person, or people, in a way that they can wrap their head around. The keys, as I see them, are honesty, and explanation.
Is there a difference between communicating and talking?
As I see it, yes. If I’m spewing out things in a way you are not groking, I’m not communicating with you – I’m talking at you.*
So if they aren’t getting it… you’re not doing it right?
Maybe… maybe not – hence the asterisk above. I feel these situations fall under a due diligence kinda thing. Did you make a reasonable attempt to explain what you’re thinking? Perhaps even in a few different ways to try and capture the language your person speaks? Where you honest? Did the person you’re talking to stop listening to you? All scenario’s where I would say you did you due diligence for communication and are off the hook for the communication breakdown.
So tell me,dear reader, do you agree? Disagree? Am I being too general – too specific? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments!