You keep using that word….

Tonight I attended  Perspectives on Power‘s(PoP) first discussion group. If you haven’t heard about it yet, PoP has been created by the fantastic Darren Infinity with much assistance from his beautiful girl keri.   PoP also brought us Laura Antoniou’s fantastic service workshop during the summer, and Darren’s in the process of lining up some more awesome speakers/workshops for the upcoming months. If you’re in the GTA and have been missing the relationship/power dynamic aspects behind all the awesome pervy stuff we do, I’d highly recommend checking this group out.

Tonight’s discussion theme  was communication, and while a great number of tangents were covered I felt one very important point was missing:

What is communication?

When we talk about communication and how important it is, or tell someone they need to communicate their needs – what exactly are we asking them, or ourselves, to do?

I pondered this in the back of my head during the night, in the parking lot after with some fellow kinksters, and am still pondering it now. Here’s what I got:

How do I define communication?
Communication is the act of honestly explaining something to another person, or people, in a way that they can wrap their head around. The keys, as I see them, are honesty, and explanation.

Is there a difference between communicating and talking?
As I see it, yes. If I’m spewing out things in a way you are not groking, I’m not communicating with you – I’m talking at you.*

So if they aren’t getting it… you’re not doing it right?
Maybe… maybe not – hence the asterisk above. I feel these situations fall under a due diligence kinda thing. Did you make a reasonable attempt to explain what you’re thinking? Perhaps even in a few different ways to try and capture the language your person speaks? Where you honest? Did the person you’re talking to stop listening to you? All scenario’s where I would say you did you due diligence for communication and are off the hook for the communication breakdown.

So tell me,dear reader, do you agree? Disagree? Am I being too general – too specific? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments!

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2 thoughts on “You keep using that word….

  1. Zed says:

    I agree with the points you’re making here, but I have this nagging sense of something missing. Not quite sure what it is, but I think it’s something to do with the fact that content is not everything when dealing with communication – method and delivery matter very much as well.

    Thanks a lot, now I’m going to be pondering this all day… 😉

  2. John says:

    I have always thought of communication as a two-way “street”. I believe that there has to be a communcator and a communicatee (my own word, sorry) Radio and television have been considered to be vehicles of communication since they were invented. However, that brings up the question: if the announcer is talking and no-one is tuned in to the station, is s/he really communicating?

    For the one to one communication that we were primarily discussing at the PoP meeting, I believe that there has to be active participation on both sides. You have basically stated the same thing. If there is no active listener, then one is not really communicating, but rather giving a speech. Also, and you alluded to this too, one must be able to speak in terms that the other can understand and process, in order for there to be a response or reaction.

    For true communication (or intercourse *sly smile*) to take place, the participants must exchange roles from time to time, each being an active communicator and listener in turn.

    Great head scratcher…. thank you for getting the wheels turning!

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